Wednesday Weigh-In - 30 April

It hasn't been a great April. I've been unwell. I've had to nurse my knee back to health. In the last week I've had to contend with back issues. Exercise has been near enough non-existent, meaning the man who ran 13.1 miles last month has lost fitness and gained lbs. 5 days last week virtually slumped in a chair eating junk really didn't do a lot to arrest the recent decline.

It came as no surprise to me then when the scales presented a gain since last week. 2 more lbs I need to burn off yet again. I've gained more than half a stone in recent weeks. I rather enjoyed being sub 14 stone, so I've got a bit of work to do to get back to that level.

Those numbers keep creeping up

Rather than be downhearted, I'm looking at things positively. I've already turned a corner as far as I'm concerned. Since returning to work on Monday, I've settled back into a more regimented routine, eating three meals a day with snacks, bread and alcohol off the menu. I've not taken any painkillers today and not needed to either which means the back is on the mend. I plan to come off the anti-inflammatory meds tomorrow and see how things are after that. If my back feels healthy, and my knee continues to not bother me, I may find time for a jog over the bank holiday weekend to see how I hold up. After a month of enforced idleness, I really can't wait.

My target in the next couple of months is to get down to a flat 14st. I plan to do so before my birthday in July and as usual you will be able to follow my progress here.

Business As Usual

After a 3 week break, I made my return to the office today and in doing so mentally switched back onto watching what I eat. Five days of couch potato inactivity following my back injury meant this was a welcome change, despite the size of my inbox and emails from management requesting to do more with less. Dosed up on painkillers and anti-inflammatory meds, this was a chance to cleanse the systems of crisps, chocolate and all those naughty things I've become accustomed to in the last month.

It is only day 1 but things have gone well. There has been no snacking between meals. No slices of bread to supplement my dinner. In fact, substitute my cornflakes for porridge and sandwich for measly salad and I would have been having a typical day at the height of my dieting powers. But it is only one day. Doing this consistently is the challenge and tomorrow will bring the hunger pains that always make life more difficult.

My back is starting to feel a whole lot better. I took three days off work last week when I did little more than sit and watch snooker while the kids were at school/nursery. The painkillers helped to manage the discomfort as did getting up to walk around every so often. This morning was the first time since Tuesday when my back didn't resemble some tricky Rubik's puzzle, taking a variety of moves to straighten out. I didn't much enjoy suffering from impairment, but I'm very fortunate that it was a temporary annoyance rather than long term ailment.

Any hint of self pity was washed away on Saturday afternoon when I took the boys to a Shine Charity family afternoon. Regular readers of this blog will know that I recently ran a half marathon for Shine, as my youngest has both spina bifida and hydrocephalus. This event was a chance for families in the region affected by the conditions to get together and socialise. For me it was a very positive and humbling experience. I got the opportunity to talk with other mums and dads whose children are that little bit older, providing an insight to what we may come to expect in the future. It allowed my eldest to enjoy the company of children in wheelchairs, familiarising him with something that may become the norm in our household in the years to come. I had the pleasure of meeting a 20 month old with hydrocephalus who had a very difficult start to life, making me realise that despite the trauma we had with our pregnancy and those early days in hospital, our little one has had a relatively 'easy' time of it thus far. A very happy 4 year came over to play with my little boy, before asking me to play pool with him after he got back into his wheelchair. I saw kids getting on with their lives, overcoming daily challenges, and left the event feeling reassured about the future. It all rather put my back discomfort into perspective.

Day 2 of the diet tomorrow then, followed by a weigh in on Wednesday. I'm not expecting that to be pretty, as 5 days slumped in a chair eating junk is not conducive for weightloss. But with my back hopefully on the mend, back into regular daily activity and with any luck not far from dusting off the running shoes, there are plenty of reasons to be positive.

Wednesday Weigh-In - 23 April

So today was meant to be the rebooting of the diet. After two and a half weeks away from the office, the time had come to re-engage with spinach and ditch the junk. Problem was, I didn't make it into work today, and so the opportunity for change was not taken. More about that later.

Yesterday was supposed to be a day all about me. With my wife back to work, the eldest back at school and the little one off to nursery, I had that most rare of days where I was meant to footloose and fancy free. No work, just a day to myself. I was hoping to get out for a gentle run to see how my knee is healing. I'd planned for a spot of lunch with my mum after getting my hair cut. Plans were afoot to dust the cobwebs off my guitar and annoy the neighbours with some Drop-D noise. But typically there was a series of spanners in the works that rather put paid to the once in a blue moon Graham day.

Firstly, the little one developed gunky eyes over Easter. His nursery have pretty strict rules in place, and when it comes to gunky eyes, he needed to have started a course of eyedrops to be allowed in. Too young for the walk in centre, it meant Tuesday morning I had to take him to the GPs for an emergency appointment, with a view to getting him into nursery later in the morning. Still time for me to have my day. Or so I thought. After dropping the eldest at the school gates, little one and I made our way to the car to get to the surgery. He was strapped in, I collapsed his pushchair but when bending down to pick it up to put in the boot of the car, something clicked in my lower back and suddenly I was in pain. And barely able to stand up straight.

Despite the discomfort, I got myself into the car, drove to the GP and the little guy had his appointment. He then went to nursery, complete with drops. I went home and tried to deal with my latest injury. So much for running! I still made it to the barbershop, though came to regret it as the hairdresser was in an oober-talkative mood and so I found myself hunched in a lot of pain while she yapped about her dog that she recently had to be put down. Relief came in the form of lunch at my mother's house, though I later questioned the wisdom of egg and beans on toast. Windypops + lower back pain did not = fun.

For the rest of the afternoon I rested up. When the time came to get the boys, I popped a couple of ibuprofen tablets and soldiered on with the usual evening chores of dinner, bath and bedtime. Little one didn't want to go to sleep and when he finally did, I was unable to get up off the bed to transfer him to the cot. After several more failed attempts and my back in pieces, he finally nodded off.

When it was time to go to bed, I was really hoping for a nice stress free night time, so that I could grab some decent sleep. The little man requires catheterisation before I can turn in, and given his efforts to stay awake earlier in the evening, I fancied my chances of getting him changed without waking. If I hadn't already worked out that it was really not my day, I was greeted with this scene when I hobbled up to his bedroom

Yes daddy, I'm going to sleep on my tummy to deny access

Inevitably he woke, and needed settling. Fortunately after that it was a pretty straightforward night and I had perhaps my best sleep in the last month. But when the phone alarm rang out this morning telling me to get out of bed, I couldn't. So much pain. After eventually getting to my feet, I nearly cried when I couldn't reach my trousers on the floor. Everything took three times as long. I came to the decision fairly quickly that I wasn't going to work. Over the last 6 months I've refused sick days when I've been at death's door, stumbling around on one leg and been so run down that I was resembling roadkill. The seemingly mundane activity of lifting a folded pushchair did for me what sleep deprivation and snottyness had failed, and I settled for a day of discomfort with a blanket and the snooker, rather than soldier on through return drives and hours sat at a PC. Definitely the right choice, even if it meant another day of food indiscipline.

Somehow or other I did manage to get onto the scales this morning. The things I do for my loyal readers eh? I didn't really care what they said, as I was yelping after bending down to place them on the floor. But if there was something to make me smile, it was was I saw on that little digital display. Apparently the last three weeks have done nothing to the numbers, and I've remained the same as the April 2 reading. The Easter break may have left me with what I hope is a temporary mobility impairment, but it apparently did not damage to my waistline. Result.

Really? 

My immediate plans then are to get back onto my feet, both metaphorically and literally. All being well I can get to work tomorrow and think about a lunchtime of salad. Any plans to run are very much suspended. Probably just as well I missed out on the ballot for the London Marathon yesterday morning, courtesy of two gunky little eyes, which inadvertently led to my spinal issues. With exercise off the agenda indefinitely, it is down to me to conjure the mental will to redress the recent weight gain.

While my blog slowly gathers tumbleweed

The silly thing about trying to maintain a diet-themed blog is that when you are not dieting, there is precious little to say. This site has been developing cobwebs in recent weeks as both exercise and weightloss have been far from my mind, and while I've tried to keep the Wednesday posts going, even they have been half-hearted efforts at best.

This is not to say this blog has become redundant. On the contrary, having been on 'holiday' in recent times, the need to fire up the tried and trusted regime is becoming apparent, with jeans becoming tighter and me looking a shadow of the handsome chap who won an award only last month. I plan to get back into business next week just as soon as the long Easter weekend is out of the way, and subsequently this page should be see more activity.

In the meantime, here are a few observations from the past few weeks.

Time off is bliss. Sometimes you really just need to have a break and having two and half weeks away from the office has been heavenly. It isn't that I don't like my job; I'm one of those fortunate people who genuinely enjoys what they are paid to do (most of the time), but there has been so much going on in recent months with half marathon, fundraising, the never ending interrupted nights thanks to the nocturnal child. You can't take time off from your kids, not that I'd want to. But something had to give. I was exhausted, poorly and in need of a good rest. Annual leave used for things other than hospital appointments or tending to sickly kids was the perfect remedy and I've enjoyed the opportunity to recharge my batteries.

Family is key. Time off obviously doesn't really mean time off as there is still plenty to do. Since my last day in the office, we've had my mother-in-law come to stay for a weekend, driven to Somerset for a 2 day assessment for the little one with a specialist team of physiotherapists, driven to West Yorkshire to visit family, driven to the north east coast for some caravan japes at Haven, endured three separate trips to the splash pool which amounted to me going down the same water slides time after time after time, then support the big kid with his attempts at swinging the monkey rings across the wobbly stones, a drive home from the north complete with unhelpful u-turn thanks to poorly signposted road closures. There has been an early morning hospital appointment to see a neurosurgeon. Two trips to parks today sandwiching an audiology hospital appointment. Time off work does not mean time off, but when I get to spend most of it with my nearest and dearest, there is little to complain about. It has been fantastic to be able to give my days to my boys, rather than just the grumpy bits in the morning and evening.

The K-T boys having it large

The extraordinary becomes the norm. I wouldn't say that I'm taking things for granted or becoming blasé about my son's health, but there was a realisation yesterday that something which sounds a little bit terrifying to most people has simply become another routine appointment. Tell someone that you're off to see a neurosurgeon and it raises eyebrows. Tell them that the appointment is for your 1 year old child and you can see blood drain from their faces if they're not up to speed with the history. Yesterday was a case in point. A 4 hour round trip to spend 10 minutes with someone who has the power to change life as we know it, and yet it all feels a bit of a chore. We went to discuss the results of a recent MRI. Nothing much has changed since the last one, which is good and means no need for intervention. This is a positive result, and yet having been for so many appointments with the same person over the last 14 months, it always feels a bit anti-climatic and a good excuse to moan about commuter traffic and car parking expense. Don't get me wrong, I wouldn't want a different sort of conversation with the Neuro. One day we probably will have a nasty surprise to contend with. In the meantime, what may seem quite extraordinary on paper feels like a tiresome necessity. Long may we have only trivial reasons to grumble.

I want to run. On Sunday morning I was glued to the pithy little tv in the caravan, full of respect for the thousands putting themselves through the London marathon. I watched the wheelchair event wondering if one day my little boy will be the next David Weir. I thought about the people I knew who were lining up in the masses to attempt their first marathon, Nearly 1 month since I last ran, and I'm desperate to pull on my trainers again. My knee by and large feels better. It felt pretty stiff last Monday night which I put in part down to the early morning drive to Somerset. I learned pretty quickly to bend the other knee to retrieve my golf ball at the pirate themed adventure golf in Scarborough. I'm going to bite the bullet in the next few days and put the knee to the test with a gentle run. Fingers crossed I come through it without setback.

Time to look sharp. I'm pretty sure I wouldn't comfortably fit into my skinny suit if I tried it on today. Hell I probably wouldn't even uncomfortably fit! It looks like a small cluster of weddings are coming up in the summer, so my motivation to get back onto the diet bandwagon is to ensure I can wear it on those special days, rather than have to revert to the next size up. I've always maintained that I've not endeavoured to lose weight for vanity purposes, but who doesn't want to look their best when the occasion demands?

Easter weekend promises to be a little on the unhealthy side. Time to get this all out of my system ready to start afresh next week when I go back to work.

Wednesday Weigh-In - 9 April

Last week's scales leap didn't really come as a surprise. Eat more than your body needs and take away your regular source of exercise and that sort of thing will happen. Last Wednesday I was feeling seriously run down. Later that day little man was sent home poorly from nursery and prescribed antibiotics, meaning more interrupted nights and a day off work on Thursday while he was embargoed. Not exactly what I needed. By Friday morning I was feeling pretty rough myself and struggled through a meeting in London and tied up some loose ends at work before abandoning ship in search of a bed where I wanted to curl up and cry.

As it turned out, with a rare opportunity to go to the pub as a couple, my wife and I still made it out for a couple of hours rather than waste the use of a babysitter. I managed half a J2O before I started falling asleep at the table in mid conversation. Last of the hardcore drinkers is not a title I can associate with myself these days!

The last time I checked the scales was on Saturday and they read 14st 3lbs, a reflection that I'd been well off my food in the previous 24 hours rather than dieting like a boss since the last official weigh-in. My appetite hasn't really picked up much since then as I've continued to be under the weather. The little man has been a bit more co-operative over the last two nights, though on both occasions I've still ended up leaving my bed midway through the night and settled down with him.

Thoughts are already shifting towards my next fundraising challenge. I'm signed up for a half marathon in London in October, which hopefully gives me enough time to rehab my knee and get it ready for some serious mileage again. I'd been looking forward to participating without the pressure of doing so for a charity, but having spent the last couple of days at Brainwave Centre so my little man could be assessed, I get the feeling October's run will end up as a means to generate funds for his continuing involvement in the programme. In a nutshell, they help kids who have had a difficult start to life to achieve their potential. Over 2 days we sat through a number of physio sessions, joined in with hydrotherapy and came away with a tailored workout that will hopefully help with his physical and emotional development.

Back to me and the diet, I'm not overly worried about the waistline. I didn't want to get unwell but it was rather inevitable having been around a snotty toddler with very little escape. The one good thing about feeling so rough is it has put an end to the constant hand to mouth activity that had become habit in the past fortnight. Post Easter I'll assess the damage and take things from there. In the meantime, hopefully the germs clear up and the appetite will return. Just not too much!

Wednesday Weigh-In - 2 April

It was never going to be a pretty sight. My first outing on the bathroom scales in several weeks, during which time I've done my level best to undo my good work of recent months. Prior to the half marathon, I was going into eat mode. Since finishing the race, I've done nothing else. I've felt my waistline expand, my manboobs fill like water balloons and my clothes get tighter.

Nobody does letting themselves go quite like me. I'm not sure I can even call it snacking as my hand has spent more time going near my mouth than my teething child. Chocolate, crisps, the lure of cheap Lidl biscuits. I'm guilty of all charges. I think the low point came Sunday night when after eating a pretty big roast dinner, I decided to eat a tub of Ben and Jerry's. That wasn't comfort eating. That was plain pigging out and I deservedly felt rotten for it.

What has been the cause of this complete loss of discipline? Well, it started with the intention of carbing up before the big run, and never really stopped. Throw in some very long nights with the little one, a dose of feeling sorry for myself for hurting my knee, and the psychological release of not having an awards ceremony or race to be in shape for, and I've reverted to some of my worst eating habits from the bad old days.

The net damage actually isn't too bad. I thought it may be worse, but guess I've bought myself a bit of breathing space from all that training in recent months. The scales this morning told me I've gained just over half a stone since the last weigh in. Personally I expected to be nearer 15st.

Forgive the poor quality pic - that reads 14st 6lbs

Things possibly will get worse before they improve. While I'm giving myself shock treatment through publicising this, meaningful exercise is still off the agenda until I'm prepared to give the knee a run out. There are too many things coming up in the next couple of weeks that require me to be mobile before I'm prepared to do that, so I'm left with willpower alone to get things back on track. Right now I don't have too much of that.

I'm hopeful that some quality time spent with the family during the Easter holidays will help to recharge the batteries. For what feels like forever I've been desperately tired and this has been reflected in my tetchyness and intolerance levels being off the chart. Being away from work will help and if Jr wants to get germ free and back into something resembling a sleeping pattern, I could be a new person within days. Until then, it is more a question of bracing for the storm rather than clearing up the damage.

I'll get back onto things in due course. I just hope that it will be sooner rather than later.

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