The Nightmare Before Christmas

Over the course of writing this blog, I've tried to articulate things in an accurate fashion, presenting myself warts and all. Inevitably, with the diet going successfully, the picture has been painted in an increasingly positive light, one part Patron Saint of Weightloss, one part Adoring Dad. But like anybody else, I've plenty of faults. I'm sure if she wanted to, my wife could blog daily about them through 2014 and still have material for use in subsequent years.

One of my faults I've worked hard to overcome is my tendency to bottle emotion rather than deal with it. The diet helped to provide something positive for me to channel negative energy over the last year, keeping me focused during a period of great change as my household adapted to its new addition. While this has been a useful distraction (as well as a pretty successful one), it has masked a lot of baggage I've continued to carry. The past 12 months have been both mentally and physically fatiguing. Being a parent is challenging enough without all the extras that the little man has to contend with. Don't get me wrong, I wouldn't change him for the world and look forward to the joy he'll bring us in the new year and beyond. But the nights of broken sleep do take their toll, made worse by the fact that near enough every night, I wake him up tending to his medical needs and in doing so know that another troubled night beckons.

By and large, I've dealt pretty well with the challenges that 2013 has brought. I can't say that was the case on Christmas Eve. Exhausted from another interrupted night, and caught up in historical sadness which I've yet to properly address, I didn't deal with life very well at all. I'll spare the details as I don't wish to trivialise what happened, but will summarise that a fairly mundane interaction triggered an emotional outburst that was both unwarranted and upsetting for everybody concerned, not least my loved ones who should have been enjoying a pre-Christmas family gathering. On the way home I stopped at a petrol station, and came within a whisker of meltdown on the forecourt when after half a dozen attempts I still hadn't manage to position my car in range of the diesel pump. An uncharacteristically patient white van driver sat behind me saved a further scene. When things get on top of you, even the simplest of things can prove completely impossible.

A week on, and I'm pleased to say there have not been any repeats. I enjoyed watching my boys open their presents on Christmas morning and despite some inevitable night time interventions from the little one, there has been nothing more than the occasional grouchy moment to contend with.

My New Year Resolution for 2013 was to lose weight and as those who have followed this blog can testify, I was successful in doing so. 2014 offers the chance to work on a few other demons. Here's hoping for similar results.

This is the End?

News of my intention to allow this blog to lapse met with something of a negative reaction from my loyal readership. It doesn't have a wide circulation but clearly my friends and acquaintances on Facebook who have suffered a bombardment of links to this site over the past 12 months have not yet had enough and want YearOfTheDiet to continue.

Taking note of the feedback, and quoting The Jam, 'the public gets what the public wants', though I'll add I have no intention for Going Underground or to be Down In The Tube Station at Midnight Therefore, for the foreseeable future at least, I'll keep blogging. I can't promise to be as prolific as I have been over the last year (117 posts and counting, nearly 1 every 3 days) but if there is a market, no matter how small, for a bloke to write about his weight and conversion to running, it might as well be me who meets that demand.

It is probably a good job too. Since writing the last article on Wednesday, I've effectively drifted into eating mode without yet getting to Christmas week. It is one thing putting on the pounds when enjoying the festivities (and I certainly plan to do so) but it is quite another when you are just eating for the sake of it. That is a bad habit which I can't afford to allow to creep back in if I want to maintain my sleeker self. A good run tomorrow morning should help with that, though given the rain this week and the overnight frost, I have a feeling Black Park could be a little sludgy come Saturday.

Less of this please Graham

So there you have it folks. This site is not done yet and neither am I. Just when I thought I was out........

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Wednesday Weigh-In 18 December

Without getting all flowery and emotional, this entry effectively represents the end of a yearlong journey. Today is the penultimate Wednesday of 2013 and with the last one Christmas morning, I can pretty confidently say this is the final Wednesday Weigh In. I mean I could mount the scales on 25 December and blog away rather than spend that time with my wife and boys, but then I might as well start looking for a bedsit and consult a family solicitor. It's not going to happen folks, so this will be final weigh in for 2013.

And like all good seasonal stories, we're going to end on a high note. Following last week's minor blip, 7 days of being reasonably on the dieting ball has resulted in a loss. I stood on the scales this morning at my lightest yet; a full 21 lbs below the target I set myself for the year and a grand total of 62 lbs lighter than when this project started back on 2nd January. Or if we want to look further back in time, 10 stone less than I was at the end of 2006.

What 14st looks like

What 24st looked like

I've little doubt that in the coming fortnight I will indulge and find the scales a little bit less respectable in the New Year, but I think I've done enough in 2013 to merit a little time off during the festive season. I have one eye on the half marathon in March so will continue to run the Saturday morning 5k this week and next, and even ventured out for a relaxed 6k jog on Monday evening with a view to upping my training in the new year. But in between times, I expect to eat, drink and be merry like everybody else.

The only cloud on the horizon that I can see concerns the future of this blog. With the 'YearOfTheDiet' drawing to a close, and my aim for 2014 to maintain body weight rather than actively diet, it would render this site rather redundant. Publishing my weightloss progress in a public arena worked as a great motivator to ensure I was successful, but if weightloss is no longer on my agenda, my witterings on here will become less prolific. And lets be honest, most of my readership don't want to witness me go on about running all the bloody time.

So is this the end? Probably not quite. The blog will remain open and dare I say it if things go overboard next week I may need to open myself up to public scrutiny on Wednesday mornings once more. Knowing me I doubt I'll be able to restrain myself from penning the occasional article, so this is more Vera Lynn than Good Riddance But thanks for following my progress over the last year, for the feedback I've received along the way and if you want to make 2014 the year when you want to lose a few lbs, you can count on my support.

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Wednesday Weigh-In - 11 December

The blog has gone quiet over the past week, somewhat reflecting how in the last 7 days the diet has not really been top priority. During the second half of last week, my little one was poorly, full of seasonal bugs which made for a gruelling few days on limited patchy sleep. In such circumstances, I like anybody else struggle to maintain discipline when my body tells me it is aching for rest. As such, the shackles were removed and I fuelled up on chocolate, crisps and whatever else took my fancy. Sometimes a bit of badness is justified and this was definitely such an occasion.

Of course, when the clouds started to lift, I could have reined things in a bit, but didn't. On Saturday I effectively had two main meals after enjoying a hot lunch with friends before being treated to a roast dinner by my wife later in the evening. On Sunday the buffet available at my mother's house during a family gathering was far too tempting not to indulge in, going back for extra helpings. Yesterday I had my work Christmas lunch, a three course affair topped off with a frankly ridiculous but rather yummy Mince Pie Sundae. 

And so with all that combined, it came as no surprise that for the first time in months, the scales on a Wednesday morning displayed a weight gain. Just a solitary lb mind.

Upwards Motion

Does this mark the turning of weightloss fortunes and suggest a malaise setting in? I'd like to think not. I expected worse if truth be told so consider a marginal increase to be a bit of a result. But just in case a small part of me mentally believes everything is done and dusted, well I have news to the contrary. 

Just signed up to run the Maxifuel Dorney Lake Half Marathon, running to raise sponsorship for @SHINEUKCharity http://t.co/opygXDeChz
— Graham Kaye-Taylor (@bigfatrebel) December 11, 2013

Yep, another running challenge beckons. The Saturday morning 5k is a jog in the park nowadays. The 10k in September was so 2013. Next year I'm raising the bar and will run my first half marathon. You can read about the inevitable charity fundraising over on my Just Giving page or by clicking the button that I've added to the right hand side of the blog.

2013 has been Year Of The Diet. 2014 will begin by getting myself ready for 22 March. Wish me luck.

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Wednesday Weigh-In - 4 December

Following the weekend blitz and subsequent Sunday tizz, I've spent the start of the week putting things right. Clearly I got into a bit of a panic fuelled by cursory looks at the scales. I know, I know. Not taking my own advice  was a bit silly as there will always be weight fluctuations, but what I saw at the weekend not only put the frighteners on me, but contributed to further eating. Clearly I've not left all of my demons in the past.

Fortunately, a few bad days does not reverse months and years of effort, as I reminded myself before going to bed Sunday night

Just a bad couple of days Graham. You're not going to be this guy again because a little bit of food #faceyourfear pic.twitter.com/XO2E3CxWWM
— Graham Kaye-Taylor (@bigfatrebel) December 1, 2013

Monday morning presented a new day and a chance to put things back on track. Breakfast, lunch, dinner. Nothing more, nothing less. Repeated again on Tuesday. Having done so, I moved beyond the apocalyptic scales reading I witnessed over the weekend and was greeted with this instead.

Another lb lost

So it appears that on Sunday night I was being a touch melodramatic. But then you probably knew that already. The diet marches on and I'll be publishing my Diet in December post in the next couple of days if any of you want to join me in trying to trim down a little before Christmas week.

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Sunday Sorrow

There has been a bit of a recurring theme in my posts in recent weeks and months. I've been losing weight, running well and pretty much every article has been drenched in positivity. This one is going to be a little different.

I've eaten to excess all weekend. I drank quite a few cans last night, to the point when questioned how many I'd had, I couldn't work it out. I'm sat here on a Sunday evening feeling bloated, nauseous and downright disappointed in myself. My trousers aren't sitting as comfortably around my waist as they would have done a couple of days ago. Not a great way to start the last month of this project.

The silly thing is I had in mind to write a post this evening encouraging my loyal readers to Diet in December with me. Having been asked by a couple of people in recent days what my secret has been, I was going to lay out my typical food intake along with a few photos of the meals. After one of my mates suggested the other day that there is no point in dieting ahead of Christmas, I was planning to prove otherwise. Three good weeks in the lead up to a Christmas binge would make for a better end to the year than a month-long feast.

But instead of doing that, I'm feeling sorry for myself. And big. I dread to think what the scales would make of it all right now Fortunately I've got a couple of days to minimise the weekly damage, but 48 hours of extreme discipline doesn't sound particularly appealing right now. I've done well over the past 11 months through consistency; switching to a 5:2 diet to try to counter a bad week to date isn't really a direction I want to take.

Looking at the positives, I know that I can hit that metaphorical switch and revert to form whenever I want to, so long as conditions allow. A decent enough sleep tonight and getting out of the right side of the bed in the morning will get things settled. If I wake in the mood for food, things will be pretty messy on Wednesday morning for the weigh-in.

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