There is a new addition due in the household in February, and he along with his brother will require a daddy who is a little more mobile with a little more stamina.Today rather puts things into focus and acts as a reminder of why I both want and need to get into better shape. Yes I want to do this for myself, but I'm also acutely aware that with responsibility for two young boys I need to take a proactive approach to my health and well being. While you can't take precaution against all medical conditions, getting my weight down and living a more active lifestyle will help in the prevention of illnesses with some association to obesity, such as diabetes.
If this line of thinking sounds a little bit heavy for a Sunday morning, particularly on a day that is supposed to be celebratory in recognition of fathers, let me explain. Like many people up and down the country, Father's Day is a bit of a bittersweet experience. I lost my dad when I young, and so inevitably my thoughts shift from time to time wondering how different things could have been if I'd been able to spend a bit more time with him, or how our relationship would have developed as I grew older. Today is even more poignant due to the fact that it was a Father's Day morning all those years ago that my dad fell ill, before being taken from us a few months later.
I was talking to my eldest about my father last night. Although he will never meet him, it is important to me that he knows about his other grandad. He knows his name, and understands that he was unwell, but I've always avoided the topic of death as it isn't something that a 4 year old should know about, and I certainly don't want to scare him into believing that he will lose his dad at the age of 9 just because I did. It came as a bit of a surprise then how the conversation unfolded.
When pressed for exactly where my dad is, as gone away was no longer a satisfactory answer, I said that he had gone to heaven. 'Like Gary?' I was asked. Puzzled and confused I asked my son to explain. 'Gary the guinea pig. He died and went to heaven.' It clicked that he was talking about a nursery pet. My son then added 'maybe your daddy and gary are friends in heaven.' A lovely thought from a 4 year old and one that put a smile back on my face, which then grew broader when asked if my dad likes carrots and cucumber like Gary!
I'm not going to dwell for too long on the past today. A small glass of whiskey last night toasted the memory of my late dad and this morning I'm back in the present playing jigsaws and changing nappies. The past won't be forgotten but my focus now is on the present, making the most of each day with my family and looking forward to a long and happy life. The diet is very much a part of that and so my father's day treat is going to be a short run around the block.
Something filled up
My heart with nothing
Someone told me not to cry
Now that I'm older
My heart is colder
And I can see that it's a lie
Children wake up
Hold your mistake up
Before they turn the summer into dust
If children don't grow up
Their bodies get bigger but their hearts get torn up
We're just a million little gods causing rains storms turning every good thing to rust
I guess we'll just have to adjust
Arcade Fire - Wake Up
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