Year of the Diet: I want to be so skinny that I rot from view

On Friday I took a trip to Brighton for a meeting with a professional body that I am a Trustee of. It was the first time I had met with my industry colleagues since our annual conference in May. I turned up to the meeting three stone lighter than when they last saw me and it was nice to receive the compliments that were forthcoming. I've not been dieting to gain public approval, but it never hurts to hear people saying nice things about the way you look.

That said, I've started to notice a slight undercurrent of tension towards my weightloss, though not I should add from my PlaceNet colleagues. Nobody has been outright negative but whereas previously I may have been told that I'm doing amazingly well, more recently comments have been more along the lines of 'you don't have to lose any more.' They are right of course, I don't. It has been 2 months since I passed the target I set for myself at the start of the year, and I have subsequently gone on to lose quite a bit more. But if anybody has concern that I may be taking things a little too far, I'd like to quell those fears.

I do understand that dieting and weightloss can become an obsession. I'd go as far as saying that without a little bit of that, sustained effort would be difficult in the extreme, but I can assure anybody who requires reassurance that I'm very much in control of what I am doing. It was only very recently that I indicated I would not actively diet beyond the end of the year and instead attempt to maintain my weight. Not exactly the forward planning you may expect from somebody developing problems.

Over the past week, I've reacquainted myself with the acclaimed 'The Holy Bible' from Manic Street Preachers. In amongst the very dark lyrics that characterise the entire album, is a harrowing tale of anorexia in the song 4st 7lbs. Here is a taster

Karen says I've reached my target weight

Kate and Emma and Kristin know it's fake

Problem is diets not a big enough word

I wanna be so skinny that I rot from view

I want to walk in the snow

And not leave a footprint

I want to walk in the snow and not soil it's purity

I choose, my choice, I starve to frenzy
Hunger soon passes and sickness soon tires
Legs bend, stockinged I am twiggy
And I don't mind the horror that surrounds me
Self-worth scatters, self-esteems a bore
I long since moved to a higher plateau
This disciplines so rare so please applaud
Just look at the fat scum who pamper me so

Pretty vivid stuff, but not me. Dieting has been a means to an end. I want to be healthy, happy and fit. If I was putting my body under undue strain, I wouldn't be surviving the sleep deprived nights that my teething, ear infected, snotty but delightful 9 month old has subjected me to over the last fortnight. I wouldn't be getting up on a cold Saturday morning and shaving another second off my personal best for a 5k ParkRun.

Need further proof? Well, in the last 36 hours, I've had a couple of pints over lunch. Lunch was a hearty lamb hotpot rather than my usual skimpy salad. Last night was take out pizza. Lunch today was bacon sandwiches on crusty bread. Throw in a carvery plus one and half desserts tonight, and the can of beer I've been enjoying while typing away, and I think it is safe to say that I'm not obsessively counting calories!

If you do know somebody who undergoes a dramatic weight change in a short space of time, by all means ask the question to ensure that they are okay and taking good care of themselves. If that person has been blogging on average every three days, documenting the detail behind their success and in the best shape of their life, you can probably give them the benefit of the doubt.